Surprisingly, I am asked this question quite often. I am puzzled by it every time. Why should it matter if you are not married or not planning on getting married soon? Many couples choose not to get married ever, or are not ready to marry at the...
Read moreThe field of psychotherapy has advanced a great deal in the past 20 years. Since Freudian time, therapy was commonly referred to as “talk therapy”. Over the years, however, many different forms of therapy have evolved including psychoanalysis...
Read moreToday, there are a number of different trauma therapies available to patients, as well as trauma therapists to administer this therapy. This is important because trauma is one of the most common reasons people seek therapy. In the trauma field...
Read moreMost people who come to receive individual therapy feel they need help with issues like depression, anxiety, compulsive issues, avoidance or performance issues, when in fact, many of their issues boil down to relationship issues. Feeling alone...
Read moreMany patients falsely believe that they only need EMDR after enduring a major, catastrophic event in their life. Such events could be a terrible car accident, death of a loved one, violent attack or sexual assault. However, this is not the case...
Read moreThere are many benefits to receiving EMDR treatment, but to understand them, it’s important to first understand how EMDR therapy works. Therapists who specialize in treatment of trauma, and use EMDR, start with a premise that trauma is stored in...
Read moreEMDR, or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, is a treatment modality that was developed in 1987 by a clinical psychologist, Francine Shapiro. It is used as a salient and effective method for working through patients who have...
Read moreExperiencing some amount of anxiety is not uncommon for most people. In fact, in some situations it is even necessary for our survival. Anxiety at its best signals potential danger or a need to pay attention and be alert to what is going on or...
Read moreA panic attack is one of the most distressing situations one can experience. Typically a panic attack can literally feel as though you are having a heart attack. They are often are accompanied with fast heartbeat, sweating, dizziness and...
Read moreWhen a patient comes to my practice complaining of depression, it is important to distinguish the kind of depression that is presented. Depression can be situational, genetic or biological, or a combination of both. Situational depression occurs...
Read moreBecoming a mother is the most profound experience any woman can have. However after 9 months of pregnancy and, sometimes, difficulties with conception, when that moment finally comes, some women find there are very often unexpected feelings of...
Read moreMany clients come to my office wondering if what they are experiencing is depression or sadness. Sadness is a normal and healthy human emotion, in response to variety of experiences. It often is connected to disappointment which is mild to...
Read moreDeath of a parent is a devastating event. Most of us have to at some point, face and cope with death of a parent and, eventually, both parents. This is always difficult and in some situations more difficult than for others. The pain of loss of a...
Read moreRecently I, along with a few of my colleagues, was interviewed by BuzzFeed on the topic of dating pitfalls. I wanted to share with you some of the more salient points of the article, not all of them are made by me, but these are the points that I...
Read moreAs relationship therapists, we don’t play god and we don’t tell people it’s too late to save their marriage. However, here are some factors at play to consider when you are thinking about marriage counseling. Falling “out of love” is not...
Read moreI come across many situations in marriage counseling sessions where there are manipulative behavior from one or both partners. This behavior or dynamic is very harmful to partners as it makes one of them angry. What is manipulative behavior in...
Read moreSometimes couples come to marriage counseling expecting miracles. I, along with many couples’ therapists try hard to help our couples who come to us in pain. However, I want to warn you about what NOT to expect from marriage counseling. Couples...
Read moreHow often do you hear stories of families fighting over the estate of the deceased father or mother? Every other celebrity’s passing was followed by a nasty family feud over their assets. Do you think that is because they did not have their...
Read moreProbably 1 in 5 couples who come to my office have an infidelity as the presenting problem. This can mean a one night stand, a visit to a massage parlor, an on-line flirtation without actual physical contact or an actual relationship with another...
Read moreAll relationships go through their ups and downs. How do you know if you are really in trouble or if this is just a phase? Here are some observations I have made based on working with many couples over the years. Strange as it may sound, as a...
Read moreTo me, it refers to a predictable pattern of interaction or communication between a couple, or I call it a cycle in my work. Usually, we talk about negative cycles which are self- reinforcing and self- perpetuating patterns of communication which...
Read moreHonesty seems to be a big topic floating around now. This comes up in many sessions with clients and especially with couples as well as seems to interest the media. Here are some of the questions that have been floating around in my mind. What...
Read moreI was recently interviewed by a reporter from New York Post following the breakup news of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. The title of the article was, “If once a cheater always a cheater?”. I think the reporter wanted to believe that that is...
Read moreAre you feeling stressed? Do you see it on those around you? While for many in NYC fall is an exciting time of the year, it tends to, sometimes, be stressful. It’s a start of school for our kids, new projects at work, thinking ahead about the...
Read moreAs I mentioned in one of my previous blogs, honesty is a foundation to any relationship. However, dishonesty in romantic relationships happens often and being caught in a lie or lies is a frequent reason why couples seek therapy. They want to...
Read moreI was recently interviewed for an article in a magazine about the importance of honesty in a relationship. Honesty is paramount in all relationships, and I am talking here about romantic relationships. I think honesty is probably the MOST...
Read moreWhile having a child is the most wonderful and meaningful event in one’s life, predictably, it changes your relationship in profound ways. There is no longer just the two of you, you are now responsible for another life, and the attention and...
Read moreWhile Couples Counseling is helpful for many couples, it may now work in some cases. To begin with, to be successful, Couples Counseling requires openness to new ideas, feelings, and experiences as well as willingness to change behaviors and...
Read moreRelationships are not easy and in my experience, a large age gap adds complexities to an already often challenging situation. I consider a large age gap if a man is over 15 years than the woman, or the woman is 7-10 years older than the man. One...
Read moreI get asked this question at least twice a week. I will often get a call from a prospective new client asking me about all the ins and outs of marriage counseling and couples’ therapy only at the end I would hear them say: “Let me talk to my...
Read moreThere are many things that make a good relationship, but these are the ones that came to mind as I thought about it after a particularly emotional difficult work week. A good relationship is a romantic partnership. What this means is that two...
Read moreRecently, I contributed to an online dating publication. The journalist wanted my input on common problems that occur in relationships. These difficulties occur in almost all relationships with, of course, some very few exceptions. It occurs less...
Read moreMost Couples Therapists would agree that some predictable problems arise in long-term relationships. Taking each other for granted. Unfortunately, couples over time, as they live together, start to take each other for granted, having a false...
Read moreI am prompted to write this after being interviewed by Huffington Post about what couples therapists learn from their patients that make their relationships better. Before I delve into answers, let me say that marriage therapists also struggle...
Read moreThere are some things that are so damaging to your marriage that your spouse may not be able to come back from them. These types of statements can permanently hurt your relationship or at the very least create serious resentments that are...
Read moreHow about turning your cell phone off for 2 hours after getting home and turning it back on after for a limited time to just check on anything of importance. This really goes a long way. It is not easy, apparently, for many couples to change this...
Read moreI want to share with you some relationship tips and ideas from well-known couples’ therapy experts. These tips come from an article I contributed to in Buzzfeed.com last month. Here they are: The old adage that you can’t go to bed angry is not...
Read moreMy spouse is a very jealous person and I worry he may become abusive. How do we address his behavior to prevent anything from happening in the future? Jealousy is a complicated emotion. In some cases it is a normal human response to a real or...
Read moreWhen I got married, my spouse and I didn’t want children and now I do. How should we deal with this? When one spouse decides he/she wants children, when prior to marriage there was a decision or a preference not to have any, there is a major...
Read moreMy Future Spouse Is A Recovering Alcoholic and Now In AA. I Want To Marry But What Considerations Should I Have? The good thing about your spouse being in recovery is that he/she is in the process of getting better and healthier. You should make...
Read moreI Like to Spend Money and My Future Spouse Likes to Save. How Can We Work This Out and Avoid Fighting? Dealing with finances and money can be a major challenge in a marriage if spouses have different relationship with money. There is no easy fix...
Read moreGetting engaged and subsequently married is one of the most important decisions one makes in life. Your relationship with your spouse is like a music to the dance of your life. If your relationship is loving, supportive, caring, romantic and if...
Read moreDifference in religions and cultural background presents a great challenge for couples contemplating marriage. It has been my personal and professional experience that all things being equal, having those be same or similar is a major plus. Time...
Read moreIn my experience, pre-marital counseling sessions are a combination of identifying and hopefully working on existing relationship issues, dysfunctional communication patterns as well as discussing major topics that often surface in every...
Read moreAre you looking to improve communication with your partner? Often, when there is a disconnect with its share of resentment, animosity and hurt feelings, it feels impossible to start talking again and even if there is talking, how will the outcome...
Read moreIt is difficult not to compare ourselves and our marriage to those of others. It is kind of natural. But we need to be careful. There are some constructive parts to this comparison, in that you may see something that others are doing that you...
Read moreWhat are the causes of anxiety within a relationship? Why would a relationship make you anxious? One of the reasons for anxiety within a relationship is that the relationship is making you feel insecure about the strength of your commitment or...
Read moreA reporter recently asked me this question. I had to think about it for a moment as both situations can make you feel off balance, off center and anxious. I think a major distinction is that being crazy in love is a pleasurable feeling even if...
Read morePeople call my office and frequently say something like this: “My fiancée and I are getting married in a few months, we are very happy and everything is great. Do you think we can benefit from having a few pre-marital counseling sessions?” I am...
Read moreInfidelity in long terms relationships is, unfortunately, quite a common occurrence. There are many complex reasons why it happens and not one path to deal with it. Here, though, are some general thoughts I have about this after many years of...
Read moreBased on my experience as a marriage and couples therapist, I think most couples planning to tie the knot can benefit from some form of pre-marital counseling. There are several reasons to consider this. Some couples call pre-marital counseling...
Read moreOver time married life can become less romantic, more routine, disconnected, and businesslike. In other words, it can become quite disappointing. This disconnect becomes a fertile soil for extra-marital affairs, separation and/or depression. The...
Read moreBeing a step parent is very hard. Your role is not really well defined. You are not a parent, not a friend. Especially if you are living with the parent of your stepchild or spending a lot of time with them, you may at times feel like an...
Read moreSummer is almost over… I can not believe it, but it is the end of August… I hope you are having a great summer. This has been a great summer for me. After the treacherous winter we had, this has been an amazing respite from the cold, ice and...
Read moreThere is a debate among Couples Therapists whether there is such a thing as too late for Couples Counseling. Some feel that every relationship deserves a chance to get professional help and seek to explore. To understand and get help to bring...
Read moreA few years ago years ago after the Oklahoma City bombing, Hurricane Katrina and Sandy, I contributed to an article for Everydayhealth.com discussing Trauma, Post Traumatic Stress and its impact on Mental Health. This week I wrote an update to...
Read moreI get many calls from people wanting to talk about whether couples therapy is appropriate for them. They almost always start with all the wonderful things about the relationship as if to have me say, they are OK. Then when I ask about what...
Read moreThis is the question many couples ask in their first session as they sit down on my office couch. This question either starts the sessions or follows a brief introduction and history of their relationship as well as reasons why they are in my...
Read moreI have been thinking about this question and I am thinking from my experience with many couples that if used sensibly, it may not be so harmful. Especially in long distance relationships, it is the only way to have some connection. At the end of...
Read more